Yahoo Adoption Groups

One of the best ways to research an adoption is to reach out to others who have already been through the process or are also in the midst of the process.  I found Yahoo groups devoted to adopting from Cambodia and China to be incredibly helpful before, during, and after my adoptions.  In addition to providing invaluable "real time" information about the adoption process, these groups also serve as wonderful post-adoption resources.  The China adoption groups I belong to, for example, not only discuss the China adoption process but also a number of post-adoption and parenting topics like talking about adoption with your child.  Set forth below is a list of some of the more popular Yahoo adoption groups.  Please feel free to add to this list!

Adoption Agency Research Group:   http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Adoption_Agency_Research/

Adoption Parenting: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/adoptionparenting/

Adopting Cleft-Affected Kids: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/adoptcleft/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=16

Deaf/HOH Adoption: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DeafHOH-Adoption/

International Adopt Talk: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/International-Adopt-Talk/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=35

Azerbaijan Adopt: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/azerbaijanadopt/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=60

Bulgarian Adoption Information Center: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/Bulgarian_Adoption-InformationCenter/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=105

Cambodian Adoptions: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CambodianAdoptions/

Adoptive Parents China: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/a-parents-china/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=1

Post-Adopt-China: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/post-adopt-china/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=4

Raising China Children: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/RaisingChinaChildren/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=7

Waiting Children China: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/WaitingChildrenChina/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=9

Raising China Children: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/RaisingChinaChildren/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=7

Ask Jane in China: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/askjaneinchina/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=12

Adopt Colombia: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/adoptColombia/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=38

Ethiopia Adopt: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/EthiopiaAdopt/

Adopt Ghana: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/adoptghana/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=67

Adopting from Ghana: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/adoptingfromGhana/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=109

Guatemalan Adoptions: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/Guatemalan_Adoptions/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=10

Haitian Angels: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/HaitianAngels/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=23

Honduras Adoption: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/HondurasAdoption/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=126

I Child India: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/ichild/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=1

Kazakhstan Adoption: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Kazakhstan_Adoption/

Pakistan Adoption: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/pakistanadoption/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=42

Adopt Philippines USA: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/adopt-philippines-usa/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=56

Russian Adoption: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Russian_Adoption/

Adopt Rwanda:  http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/AdoptRwanda/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=74

Adopting from Taiwan: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/Adopting_From_Taiwan/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=20

Thailand Adopt: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/thailandadopt/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=64

Uganda Adoptions: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Uganda_Adoptions/

Adoption from Ukraine:  http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/Adoption_from_Ukraine/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=11

Adoptive Parents of Vietnam: http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/A-Parents-Vietnam/?v=1&t=directory&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=dir&slk=13        

My Decision to Adopt

I’ve already written a little about the adoption process in this blog but I realized the other day that I had not yet tackled one of the most important topics – the decision to adopt.  My informal research gathered over about ten years of talking with people who are considering adoption, in the midst of the adoption process, or already parents suggests that each person comes to their own decision to adopt in their own way.  There is no cookie-cutter definition of who adopts, how, or why.  Rather, each family or prospective family has their own unique tale to tell.

Thinking back, my decision to adopt probably took root in the mid-1980’s when I was living and working in Japan after graduating from college.  During that time, I periodically transited through the Tokyo airport.  I distinctly remember seeing young Korean children in the international terminal at Narita each time I passed through that airport.  One time, I came upon a crowd of passengers gathered around a group of Korean infants who were lying on several padded benches that had been pushed together.  As I approached to see what everyone was looking at, all of a sudden, the crowd began to clap.  It turned out, one of the Korean infants had just rolled over on that airport bench for the first time.

Several times, I flew on a Northwest airlines flight from Tokyo via Seattle and Minneapolis to Philadelphia.  Also on these flights were young Korean children on their way to the US for adoption.  The first time I saw this process in action was after we landed in Seattle.  I was amazed when a bunch of American men and women hopped on the plane to take the children off, feed, change, and bathe them, and then return them to the plane for their flight onward.  In Seattle that first time, I also saw several waiting families -- families who were adopting some of those Korean children.  When we landed in Minneapolis, I was astonished to see this same process occur again.  There was a whole network of volunteers across the US who met each flight carrying children headed to the US for adoption. 

I found the whole process incredibly moving and amazing.  I could barely comprehend what I had seen that first trip home from Japan.  I could not get it out of my head.  It was like being in the delivery room – families were created before my eyes.  More unbelievable for me, though, was the idea that complete strangers from different countries and cultures trusted in a process involving two governments, unknown bureaucrats, and two sets of laws and regulations to get it right and help them build a family.

Astonishing as this all was, I eventually returned from Japan, went to graduate school and began the rest of my life.  For years, I did not consider adopting.  I simply was not ready to have children.  Fast forward a number of years and there it was – the ubiquitous ticking maternal clock getting louder and louder.  To further complicate matters, I did not have a husband or even a serious boyfriend. 

After much soul-searching and a couple of false starts, I eventually decided to move ahead with the adoption process.  I can not really explain my decision to adopt or why I chose to adopt rather than pursue other methods of having a child other than to say it just felt right.  It was sort of like when I was in my senior year of high school and visiting colleges or many years later when I was looking to buy a house and traipsing about my town looking at every three bedroom two bath house that was for sale.  The college and the house selection processes were fairly similar – and I received lots of advice.  Folks said things like “you’ll just know it when you see it” or “it will just feel right in your gut when you see it”.

It may seem funny or even a bit trite…..but that is how I felt when I finally decided to adopt.  I was at complete peace with my decision.  I just knew this was the way for me to proceed.  Nine years ago – almost to the day, I became a mother.  Fortunately, I experienced this joy again just over three years ago.

Despite my own highly positive experiences with the intercountry adoption process, I would not try to sway anyone towards adoption.  This is a decision each person needs to come to on their own or as a couple.  Sometimes people need to grieve for the children they will never bear or to grapple with the idea of becoming a multi-racial family.  Sometimes, like me, a person just needs to finally be ready to have a child in their life.  For me, adopting was the best decision I ever made.    

Intercountry Adoption Simplified

I've talked with many prospective adoptive parents who are completely mystified by the intercountry adoption process.  This is certainly understandable given that intercountry adoption, by definition, involves the laws, regulations, and procedures followed in two different countries.  I thought it might be helpful to lay out a barebones list of the procedural steps virtually every family will follow as they make their way through an intercountry adoption.  Hopefully, this list will calm some nerves and encourage more families to embark upon an interocuntry adoption!  Please note, however, that this list directly pertains to intercountry adoptions pursued by those in the US.  If you live outside the US you will likely have similar set of steps to take.

·        First, you will have several important decisions to make – which adoption agency to use and which intercountry adoption program to pursue

·        Next, you will need to obtain official approval to adopt from both the US and the country from which you intend to adopt

·        Once you are approved to adopt, you can be matched with a child

·        Then, you adopt the child – usually this involves at least one trip to your child’s country

·        While in your child’s country, you will apply for and obtain a visa so that your new child can legally enter the US

·        After you have your child’s visa you can return home with your new child

·        Once home, it is advisable to readopt your child in your home state

How to Select an Adoption Agency

Many prospective adoptive parents find it difficult to figure out which adoption agency they should use.  This is certainly understandable as there are over 1700 adoption agencies in the US.  Of those, about 700 offer intercountry (international) adoption services.  It can be overwhelming to weed through all these agencies and find the one that is best for your family.  Truth be told, though, this is one of the most important decisions you will make during the adoption process.

Although the search for the right adoption agency can take some time and effort, you will most likely find this to be time well spent.  The goal is to find a reputable and ethical adoption agency with specific experience in the type of adoption you wish to pursue. 

If you decide to adopt a child from another country, you will need to identify an agency with a highly-regarded and recent history of successfully completing adoptions from the country from which you hope to adopt.  As there are two basic ways to proceed with an international adoption: (1) adopt from a country that utilizes the Hague Convention process; and (2)  adopt from a  country that does not follow the Hague Convention process, you will need to ensure your agency is appropriately licensed if you choose to adopt from a Hague Convention compliant country.  (In other words, if you plan to adopt form a country that abides by the Hague Convention then you will need to use an agency that is appropriately licensed as the Hague Convention.  Each country has its own set of adoption rules and procedures.  You will need an agency that is intimately familiar with the specific rules and procedures of the country you choose.  You will also need an agency with a relatively longstanding presence on the ground in the country from which you will adopt. 

Whether you choose to pursue a domestic or an intercountry adoption, however, most excellent adoption agencies have similar characteristics. 

1.                          They emphasize and offer pre-adoption education for prospective adoptive parents.   

2.                          They offer a realistic assessment of your prospective child and do not gloss over potential red flags.                  

3.                          They offer post-adoption services to families once the adoption process is complete. 

4.                          For families who complete intercountry adoptions, an excellent agency promptly and proactively ensures that all post-adoption reports are prepared and filed in a timely fashion.

5.                          An agency with intercountry adoption programs will be accredited as per the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption (81 countries are now Hague Convention countries).  You can check to see if the country from which you hope to adopt is a Hague Convention country at this website:  http://adoption.state.gov/hague_convention/countries.php.

6.                           They do not try to “sell” you on a particular country, program, or child.

7.                          They will try to help gather as much medical and other information on the child as is available.  They usually can obtain updated medical information on a child if you ask for it.

8.                          In the case of a domestic adoption, they will not pressure a birthmother into giving a child up for adoption.

9.                          They consistently have the best interests of the child as their primary concern. 

10.                      In the case of agencies with intercountry adoption programs, they also usually operate humanitarian efforts within the countries where they conduct adoptions.

11.                      Similarly, most reputable intercountry agencies not only seek to find homes for easily adoptable children (healthy infants) but also those children who may be harder to place (older children, special needs, etc.).

You may now be wondering where to start your adoption agency search.  The easiest place to begin is by searching on the Internet.  On the Internet, you can easily locate adoption agencies in your area and adoption agencies that specialize in the type of adoption you wish to pursue.  In particular, you can go to the US Department of Health & Human Services Child Welfare Information Gateway to search for adoption agencies that suit your specific criteria (http://www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad/).       

It is important to keep in mind, however, that the Internet is also ripe with a fair amount of adoption fraud.  You must be a savvy consumer!  It is wise to check any agency you are considering with your state attorney general and the Better Business Bureau.  This should uncover any complaints filed against the agency.  You should also confirm that any agency you might use is appropriately licensed and credentialed.  Additionally, ask any adoption agency you are considering for some recent references and then follow through and contact these references.  Many adoption agencies also offer monthly or quarterly informational meetings.  It is important to attend several of these in order to gain a good sense of the agencies you are considering and also to possibly meet other families who are using or have used these agencies already. 

Set forth below are links to several adoption agencies with excellent national reputations.  There are many wonderful adoption agencies out there and this is just a representative list.   Even if you do not plan to use any of these agencies, it is still well worth your time to at least peruse their websites.  Additionally, please review this link to the US Department of State as it lists all US adoption agencies that are specially accredited pursuant to the Hague Convention and contains links to all their websites:  http://adoption.state.gov/hague_convention/agency_accreditation/agency_search.php

-         World Association for Children and Parents (http://wacap.org/)

-          Holt International (http://www.holtinternational.org/)

-          Lutheran Adoption and Foster Care Alliance (http://www.lanadopt.org/)

-         Gladney Center for Adoption (http://adoptionsbygladney.com/)

-         Americans for International Aid and Adoption (http://www.aiaaadopt.org/)

-         Great Wall China Adoption (http://www.gwca.org/)

-         Pearl S. Buck International (http://www.psbi.org/)

The Homestudy Process -- Not as bad as you may think!

No matter whether you choose to pursue a domestic or an international adoption (or even an embryo adoption), one of the first major tasks you will need to accomplish is to complete the homestudy process.  Essentially, a homestudy is a report prepared by your social worker that covers a variety of topics including your family and home life, your upbringing, your health and finances, your feelings about adoption, and your community environment.  As part of the homestudy process, your social worker will visit your home at least once but usually several times.  These visits will not only include a review of your home and community but also extensive interviews about your own upbringing and your immediate and extended family.  You will be asked a number of questions about your belief system, your parenting style and how you were raised.  If you already have children, they may be asked to prepare a written statement about your family and their feelings about adoption or they may be interviewed by your social worker.  Your social worker will also ask for written references from several of your friends and family members.    

In advance of the homestudy meetings with your social worker, you will probably be asked to prepare an autobiographical statement and may also need to complete an in- depth questionnaire.  Additionally, you will need to have a physical exam that may include various medical tests and you will need to obtain a criminal and child abuse clearance from your state and local police. 

The contents of your homestudy will vary slightly depending upon which adoption program you are pursuing.  For example, if you choose to adopt internationally, different countries have slightly different homestudy requirements and criteria.   

Because the homestudy is such an involved process and includes the gathering of a variety of documents that may take a while to accumulate (birth certificates, marriage licenses, divorce decrees, criminal and child abuse clearances, medical forms, tax returns, medical test results, doctor’s statements, references, etc.) it is wise to begin your homestudy as soon as possible.  You will not be able to proceed along the path to an adoption without a valid homestudy.  It is also important to keep in mind that homestudies are only valid for a certain period of time – usually twelve months.  If you already have a homestudy but it has expired, you will need to get it updated before you can proceed with an adoption.   

Adoption -- The Basics

There are several different ways a new child can come into your family via adoption.  Some families choose to adopt a child from another country (international adoption).  Other families choose to adopt a child currently living within their own country (domestic adoption). 

In the United States, there are two types of domestic adoption agencies – public and private.  Public adoption agencies are often operated by a county or state and their primary goal is to find homes for children who are in the care of the county or state.  Usually, public agencies place waiting children who are in the foster care system with adoptive families.  As you would expect, public agencies generally do not operate international adoption programs.    Private adoption agencies are privately owned and operated enterprises although they must be licensed by the state(s) where they reside and conduct business.  Many states also require private adoption agencies to operate as not-for-profit entities.  Usually, private adoption agencies primarily focus on placing infants with adoptive families.  Private adoption agencies often operate both domestic and international adoption programs.

If you are interested in learning more about adoption agencies in your area, please consider visiting the National Foster Care & Adoption Directory Search page on the US Department of Health & Human Services website -- http://www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad/.  This website is an invaluable resource as you can use it to search for public and/or private adoption agencies with domestic and/or international adoption programs on a state by state basis.  It is important to keep in mind, however, that you are not limited to working with an adoption agency in the state where you reside.  Thus, if you find an agency that feels right to you but is not located near you do not automatically assume you can not work with them.

Another wonderful resource, particularly for those interested in international adoption, is the website for the Joint Council on International Children’s Services (“JCICS”) -- http://www.jointcouncil.org/.  This not-for-profit organization operates in 52 countries around the world, including the US.  Its mission is to “advocate for, and protect the right of every child to a safe, permanent, and loving family.”  Many adoption agencies with international programs are members of JCICS.  The JCICS website contains a plethora of information, including the particular requirements for international adoption programs across the globe.  You can also use this website to research which countries offer international adoption programs and then, more specifically, which adoption agencies specialize in each country offering an international adoption program. 
 
As I see it, when you first start upon the path toward adoption, you need to investigate which adoption program(s) might work best for your family.  My advice is to keep a wide open mind when you are in this initial stage of researching.  There are many misconceptions about various adoption programs and the process is quite fluid – especially if you end up venturing down the international adoption path.  At all times, flexibility is critically important as there are many unpredictable but inevitable bumps along the road.  Perseverance is also necessary.

The inaugural post!

Here it is………drum roll please…..the inaugural post!  I’ve thought for a long time about blogging and mostly whether I had anything at all relevant or mildly interesting to add to all the blogs already out there in cyberspace.  After some soul searching, I decided to plough ahead.  As I see it, this blog will primarily focus on one of my favorite things (other than my children of course!) – adoption. 

I adopted my older child from Cambodia in 2002, when she was just about nine months old.  At first, the adoption proceeded along smoothly; that is until the US government decided to shut down all adoptions from Cambodia to the US.  This proved to be a bit of a problem for me as I was just about a month away from finalizing my daughter’s adoption when this “issue” arose.  Although everything worked out well in the end, I endured several scary and frustrating months.  And, my daughter spent a few extra months in an orphanage instead of being at home with her family.

I adopted my second child from China in 2008.  Unfortunately, this adoption also had plenty of drama thanks to the massive and unexpected slowdown in adoption referrals from China.  Although this adoption took much longer than originally anticipated, the end result was worth infinitely more than the seemingly never-ending wait. 

Ever since I first embarked upon my adoption journey over ten years ago, numerous people have approached me to ask about adoption.  Who knew there were so many folks out there considering adoption? 

When I first seriously entertained the idea of adoption, I started to research my options.  I usually approach a research project “full steam ahead” and, of course, my adoption research project was no different!  I was shocked to find, however, that there was no comprehensive and reliable source of adoption information.  Rather, I found myself visiting numerous websites and basically hopscotching all over the place trying to figure out answers to basic and simple questions like which countries will allow a single woman to adopt? 

The second time around, I again conducted a fair amount of research before proceeding.  As before, I found a highly disjointed system.  It was not easy to figure out how to move ahead and I’d already been through the process once before.  Since that time, I have met with numerous families and individuals to talk about the adoption process.  Each and every time without exception, I met with highly motivated prospective parents who were confused about how to move forward and who did not know where to turn for reliable information about adoption. 

I guess this is a very long introduction to my blog which I hope will become a reliable, useful, and comprehensive source of adoption information for all those people out there who hope to build their families through adoption.